Happy With, Happy Without

It really would be a treat to be happy everyday. Often, though, life's stresses can chip away at that. 

One way to combat those stresses is to ask yourself "can I allow myself to be happy even though life is not perfectly pleasant today?" 

By asking that question, it reveals that you really do have a choice of how you are currently feeling. The trick is to then ask yourself what is getting in the way of you feeling bad?

The other day I felt like I was having a bad morning. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, my husband and I had had a rough time communicating the day before, and it was a dark and stormy Friday the 13th. 

Two of my teenagers asked for my help that morning. Groggily, I got my other two kids off to school (late) and drove my college-aged daughter thirty minutes to a friend's house, in slush and freezing rain. I then came home and prepared the soup of the day for our local market. Time ran out, so I left a mess in the kitchen while packing up for my 16-year-old daughter's driver's test. While cleaning out her car (those kids can be so messy), I bumped into the corner of the car door and gouged my forehead.  Afer walking straight to the freezer for a cold pack and bandage, I called my daughter at school because I couldn't find the keys to her car. (Really??) 

Feeling like stress was pushing me to the brink, I allowed a few tears to be released to counteract the overwhelming feelings. (Crying doesn't happen much, but it's always a good tactic for me to let it flow if I do feel them welling up.) 

I then starting asking myself what I would need to do to be "happy without"--happy without order, pain-free, and sunshine. 

My answer started with silence and presence. I took note that as I stood in the kitchen while my daughter frantically searched for her car keys, nothing bad was actually happening to me at that moment. I let my daughter handle the task of determining which car to take to her driver's test. If she was old enough to drive, wasn't she old enough to solve this problem on her own?

And so she did. She gave up on finding the keys (no where to be found) and called a friend who had offered her car for use.  Off we went to the school parking lot to get the car. 

My stress level had stabilized. Not getting better, but not getting worse, despite driving to the next town in terrible winter weather in a compact car. (I drive a Suburban and feel very safe it in--perfect for hauling lots of kids and stuff around. Small cars make me nervous. Here I was in the passenger's seat with my daughter driving a tiny car with no 4-wheel drive on an icy Maine winter day.  Yikes!)

"Happy with, happy without."

We made it to town with only a few nervous gasps from me. My daughter pleaded with me to remain calm as she was obviously feeling very stressed out. I remain silent and as peaceful as I could be. We circled around town to practice a final parallel parking mission, also got in a car wreck by her fault, and I found out that she did not have her permit because her wallet had been stolen two weeks prior. 

"Happy with, happy without."

Thankfully, I was able to stay at a stable stress level, and even start to diminished it once she was registered and in the care of of the driver's license administrators. "You can do it", I offered with a smile.

While she was out on the road, I started utilizing all the coping strategies that I had acquired and practiced in the past.  "This too shall pass" was a big one. Tomorrow, heck even tonight, the sun may come out, my daughter might have her license in hand, my husband and I might have some quiet time to recover nicely (we always do) as the kids will be with their dad, and I could have a good workout to fight my fatigue. I was feeling better already.

"Happy with, happy without."

Things always work out the way they are supposed to. My stress level that day quickly diminished. Even though my daughter did not pass her driving test, she came in first place at her track meet later that evening. My husband and I had a glorious weekend, and the sun has come out.

The neat thing about that Friday the 13th is that it is a clear example of how transient life's stresses really are. A great way to keep them in perspective and under control is to remind yourself to be "happy with, happy without". Give it a try!